Perhaps feeling somewhat chastised, today the Times decided to run a story written by a female reporter about the unwanted “glare” of media attention raining down upon the victim (and upon the housekeeper who had a child with Schwarzenegger). Besides just recounting the details that the media should not have originally printed, including the insane and awful NYPost report alleging that the DSK victim lived in a building for HIV-positive adults, what else can this story tell us? Why does everyone want to know about these women?
“It is part of a fascination with the man,” said Suzanne Goldberg, director of the Center for Gender and Sexuality Law at Columbia. “What sort of woman could this powerful man have been attracted to? I think as a society, we care about the lives of powerful celebritylike figures.”
“That curiosity extends not only to their home decorating, but also to who is in their beds,” she added. “The women suffer the collateral damage of our interest.”
“What sort of women could this powerful man have been attracted to?” Ladies, take notes in case you’re interested in attracting your own powerful man.
What sort of women? Just someone with a vagina and breasts who won’t blab about it later, someone who might even, say, appreciate all that flattering attention? No, that’s not enough. Are you still taking notes?
This kind of woman: she is a beautiful mermaid who grows legs every morning just to go in to work at her housekeeping job. Her legs are just a little crooked because the weight of her enormous breasts bends her over when she walks. She can’t always control when she switches back and forth from mermaid to housekeeper. She is part siren and also part demon and there are diamonds in her hair, which sparkle when the right man looks at them. The right man is the only man on earth. Those diamonds also magically emit electromagnetic waves that paralyze the right man’s thoughts and direct them solely at her. Her eyes are a little bit obscene when you look into them – they scream “fuck me” at a pitch only that right man can hear. She goes home at night like a normal person and then climbs into her bathtub to be a mermaid again after she makes dinner for her kids.
She may sound like a nice woman, someone who doesn’t do anything mean to anybody, but no, she’s a secret demon mermaid.
Still taking notes? In reality, the important part is whether the accuser was in mermaid or housekeeper mode when she was raped. It all hinges on this, since it’s just like Odysseus, who can’t resist mermaids when they are being mermaids. This is what we need to know. Reporters have to find this out. It is impossible for men to “not be attracted to” mermaids, just like Odysseus. Are all women secretly mermaids? Maybe they are. Demon mermaids.
I hope you’ve been keeping notes, ladies. Read The Odyssey, and please note that when it comes to attracting powerful men, you are already a secret demon mermaid. She’s just waiting to come out.