Of muffs, war, stench, love and vegans

7 Feb

After reading all the news these days… abortion, STDs, “forcible rape” is the only real rape, gender pay gap… it’s understandable you feel sort of grossed out by your lady bits. You might look at your v-card and go, jesus, what exactly have you done that’s not causing me any problems these days?

What would it take for you and your pink canoe to make up?

Enter: I Love My Muff

Step. Up. Your. Muff. Maintenance.

Show your muff you love her by washing away the natural stench and replacing it with some lavender patchouli aromas. Never again hear, “it’s kind of strong right now” as you’re trying to seal the deal. Reduce by one the innumerable ways in which your vagina is against you in all matters sexual, moral and political by taking away the late-afternoon-fish-market air about you.

You have a new tool in the war against your vagina odor!

And it’s natural and for goddesses and ….vegan?

“i love my muff products are vegan, free of any parabens, SLS, synthetic colors and fragrances.”

Shit/ whoops. Vegans are odor-y hippies who are usually against war. Confusing.

Founder and creator Ritz Clinging says on her site that her products are for the “savvy, empowered and informed women of today.”

I’m wonder if Clinging has yet figured out that a “savvy” and “informed” vegan-y goddess woman would likely deduce that while her products are “100% natural,” the only 100% natural and medically advisable solution would be not to use them.





***UPDATE*** Haha: a male reader suggests Clinging would make more money creating an ozone-friendly, bio-derived mouthwash for men called “I Love Your Muff.”


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