ABC News discovers tragically stupid new term for “lipstick lesbians”

23 Feb

TREND ALERT!!!!!!!(!)

Desperate struggling network ABC News is on top of it. What is the new trend? I’m going to run this term past you. Keep a straight face.

“Flexisexual”

You laughed? Haha, you lose, just like everyone else who involuntarily choked on the after-dinner spoonful of Nutella in their mouths.

This is your friendly new internet-death-spawn term that is guaranteed to reverberate in the empty cosmos of dim-brained cyberspace consumers across America for the next few days: it means you are a girl who makes out with girls, but you are totally like, not gay or even bisexual! Like Katy Perry.

Meh, if you straight dudes really need yet another kind of assurance that your cocks are still “doing the trick” in the form of a ladies-only sexuality-spectrum term that “forgives” that little bit of lesbo fun, then you don’t deserve to have a cock. I thought you all actually liked to watch straight girls making out, or whatever.

Ever since Madonna planted that wet kiss on Britney Spears in front of millions of television viewers at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards, women have been loosening up sexually with other women.

YES, THAT WAS THE TIPPING POINT.

The lone voice of reason in the article:

“It’s not really experimenting, but maybe trying to get some attention,” said [19-year-old Alisha] Garrison, an urban planning student from Simi Valley, Calif.

Correct, and the same judgment applies to this ABC News article.

Next time, making out does not count as “experimenting” until Madonna buries her face in the Spears snatch. Or, at a minimum, you have to go make out with a girl without an audience watching, topless, for at least 10 minutes, with the lights on. That will be the new test.

ABC News links as proof to this bizarre dating site that purports to be “the world’s leading, safest, most effective dating website for the growing number of straight women who flirt with bisexuality… flexisexuals.” So apparently ABC News didn’t wholesale invent this lamentably idiotic term, just some random website that is Google indexed did.

My favorite part about the website is the fact that the stock image for the women on the front looks less like a hot singles site and more like an ad for sanitary pads:

Advertisements

One Response to “ABC News discovers tragically stupid new term for “lipstick lesbians””

  1. princess April 11, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    Isn’t that just like heteroflexible?
    Because I preferred heteroflexible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: