Wisconsin love: to the first feminist teacher in my life

10 Mar

Quick note, because… you know, I was once long ago and many lives earlier a small town Wisco girl:

No one wants to say this, because it’s not the sort of thing people talk about, and… it’s below the belt, I know. It’s not fair game. But it should be said.

This guy, Scott “Gaddafi/Chavez/Ahmedinajad/Every guy everyone hates” Walker is the definition of a semi-hard but still flaccid penis — a flenis. He fucks you and it doesn’t even feel good. It bends and shifts and just kind of hangs out without doing anything fun. It fucks you and fucks you over and over and you’re like, god this is lame. I’m being fucked constantly but it’s just fucking annoying. I’m now being …screwed, you realize. SCREWED. And you know you aren’t going to get off. He’s THAT GUY. He’s the one who fucks you and falls asleep. He’s the guy who doesn’t like to give head. He’s the guy where you stop and you go to yourself, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” This guy has no idea about pleasuring anyone besides himself. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE.

You have to have had a MAJOR LITTLE jones all your entire life in order to be this freaked out about fucking teachers, dude. TEACHERS. They are the world’s least threatening population. They are less scary than an army of Michele Bachmanns. They want to teach your kids reading and math and how to care for raw eggs without breaking them for a week.

I loved my Wisconsin public school teachers. Enormously. Here’s a massive, loving “shout out” (or whatever the kids are doing these days) to my sixth-grade teacher, wherever she is. She was the first feminist in my life, and the legacy of her extraordinary teaching has endured 18 years later in my family as a source of infinite good humor when we discuss how it is my brother and I came to be the strange and thoughtful people we are today. She believed that girls should be as involved in math competitions as boys. She dreamed up endless projects for her students, ranging from the Stock Market Game to the Bridge Engineering chapter to courses on how to tie sailing knots. I was barely 12.

I’ve been following this debacle since day one. I can’t add much to this debate. But I can point out these two things: you are a soulless, corrupt human being when you think teachers are screwing your state budget, and you have a herculean Napoleon complex if those are seriously the people you want to take on. Fuck Scott Walker and fuck the devil’s cock he sucked to get into office.

TEACHERS.

 

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