Top 5 Reasons a Michele Bachmann presidential run is good for our sense of humor

11 Mar


This is the first actual thing about the 2012 presidential race that excites me. Michele Bachmann is “increasingly” considering a run. What are the top five reasons this is the best thing to happen to the presidential race so far? The possibilities of:

1. A Bachmann/Palin slapfight, preferably live on national television, second choice via Twitter/Facebook.

2. The chance we would have every hour of every television broadcast day to shit ourselves to death laughing over Bachmann’s gloriously mangled English with phrases better than even Palin can provide, such as “porking has gotten way out of control.” Palin merely makes up words; can she do double entendre? Maybe I’ll even get cable again.

3. A gift for all you “tits men” out there: Bachmann likes to talk about breasts. And that’s good for me, because I get one million pageviewz every time the word “boob” appears anywhere in my posts.

4. Getting to watch the giant army of obese tea party volunteers declare pre-emptive defeat when they lose their breath trying to get off the couch, leaving Bachmann to canvas Kentucky voters by herself. We’ll see how that ends.

5. Finally being able to watch the Republicans get slapped ferociously when, like last time, the base of insane people who vote in Iowa Republican primaries for insane people like Bachmann fails to materialize on a national stage and splinters the national right-wing vote among the legally insane and the just-kind-of insane Republican voters. And as usual, actual “math-using” fiscal conservatives who don’t give a shit about abortion, gay marriage, your mom’s leather fetish or whathaveyou will be brutally marginalized.

And why does Bachmann look all orange in her Twitter profile photo? Has she been screwing John Boehner and caught whatever glo-worm STD he’s running in his icy veins?


[CNN via Wonkette]


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