Haikus for John Boehner on the occasion of our government shutdown

8 Apr
Unless you are dead or willfully ignorant, you are aware that the federal government will probably shut down in, like, the next five minutes. Why? Because a bunch of fringe radical Taliban-wannabes have “double-terror hijacked” the negotiations with all the gusto of a band of demon zombie pedophile priests flying out of hell straight into a 5-year-old’s birthday party. What? That’s right, the GOP is so hell-bent on defunding Planned Parenthood, they’re willing to shut down the entire government, the federal parks, the space program and send home 800,000 people from work without pay just to prevent low-income women from getting cancer screenings.

So to celebrate this spectacular new achievement in American Hatefulness, I made haikus.

Do I have cancer
Cancer in summertime
Jesus would not care

Falling to the ground
Dicks raining down on us
Showers from Congress

Angry white teeth gnash
May I have tea with my blood
A lefty slut screams

Where is Batman now
Or really anybody
To bitch slap these dongs

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