Indiana comes up with least creative way yet to destroy Planned Parenthood

27 Apr

Indiana! O Indiana. They figured it out: if you can’t get the federal government to refuse to give out money to Planned Parenthood, just refuse to take it. This was so easy!

The Indiana House is expected to vote as soon as today to cut off the $3 million in federal money the state distributes to the organization for family planning and health programs. The Senate approved the measure earlier this month.

Duh! No points for difficulty here, though. Neighboring Ohio wheeled in a freaking fetus to testify. Creativity, hmmm?

Indiana, if you weren’t governed by groups of marauding hillbillies, you would have figured out how to misappropriate these funds instead of just outright turning them down. There are thousands of free jet skis and pontoon boats you just missed out on. Now you will just have to settle for dragging the corpses of the poor women you kill behind your lame ’98 four-wheelers instead. But the lakes just thawed!

You were supposed to build some private “clinics” where some of those unemployed anti-choice goblins could shoot stale Republican semen into hoo-has with Super Soakers and give out birth control packs filled with Skittles, then direct the money over there in the form of state contracts. Everyone on the clinic board gets a free jet ski! Now that would have made sense. You guys learned fucking nothing from the Iraq War.

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