CWfA CEO Penny Nance to lady voters: pick America a good husband

13 May

It doesn’t really feel like full-fledged election season just yet, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from making some inane checklists about Who To Vote For. Arch-conservative ladies’ luncheon club Concerned Women for America would like to put this whole “picking a president” in some terms that you can relate to: picking a husband.

A matronly boob shot sure is a nice way to start off the piece. What can CWfA CEO Penny Nance tell your boobs about the next  president?

Although not the father of her children, the president has a direct impact on their future. While not her family’s provider, his economic policies directly impact her family’s budget. While not the teacher of her children in school, his education policies will affect her kids in the classroom. And while not at home every night protecting her family, his military policies will impact the safety of the nation.

For you ladies who weren’t piecing it together, the president is the other man in charge of your life, after your husband and God. But unlike God, you get to pick this one and hope he treats you well, much like that husband of yours. If Hillary had been elected, you’d all be just a little bit lesbian.

What else should we look for? Courage, fidelity (whoops, Newt’s out!), honesty (crickets) and, perhaps most ironically coming from this person whose mind exists in the 1890s for a living, common sense!

3. Our next president also has to have some common sense. It may seem like an obvious attribute, but the way in which the president conducts his personal life and makes policy decisions gives important insight into whether or not he has good judgment and common sense. What, or Who, guides his decisions? Hopefully it’s not poll numbers but rather a well-formed moral compass.

Poor Penny Nance, she might be in for a little disappointment here. Unlike God and her husband, the president doesn’t hold totalitarian authority. He still has to worry about what those crabby people being polled think of him and respond to those concerns or face their emotional, incoherent wrath. American democracy is like a bitchy wife who is never satisfied. God would not approve.

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