Tag Archives: feminism

Stay-At-Home-Girlfriends and defending “feminism schmeminism”

24 Feb

I was going to ignore this because it’s kind of dumb, but enough people freaked the fuck out about it that, fine, let’s talk about it.

So there was this Brooklyn girl who put up a blog post about being a “Stay At Home Girlfriend,” which is something five women somewhere do nowadays. Gothamist picked this up, and I guess according to them this poster, Quiana Stokes, “was nearly burned at the cyber-stake” for posting some 50’s-style housewife tips like “clean the house” and “always be sexually available whether or not you feel like it.”

Then today, a girl from Illinois who is doing this “SAHG thing” wrote a response to this crucifixion:

Anyway, I guess my main point is that I feel like women these days have done themselves a bit of a disservice by being SO focused on being independent and liberated from the traditional roles we once held.  In my ideal world I would be totally happy as a stay at home wife and mom for a few years. I would actually consider that a luxury. But I feel like that’s some sort of shameful thing in our society now.

I don’t really feel the need to name names from my Google Reader of people who tore the shit out of Stokes for her post. And yet, obviously the correct response to all this is, who the fuck cares how this girl finds fulfillment for herself? She’s happy, we’re happy.

What struck me more was the response of the indignant Illinois girlfriend, and it highlights to me one of the aspects of feminism that can be very frustrating: feeling alienated if you don’t exactly agree or your life doesn’t fit the stereotype idea of a liberated woman.

I think what she is getting at — and I’m going out on a limb here, so call me out if you disagree — is the fact that the often-present anger and resentment in the feminist movement can at times feel alienating rather than unifying. Most of the feminist blogs I read all (ALL) day long focus on calling bullshit on injustice, fighting against anti-woman political initiatives and identifying subtle and not-so-subtle forms of discrimination in the media. All of that is incredibly important, and many of these blogs also celebrate the victories and the positive side of feminists’ hard work, but it more often than not carries with it a tone of negativity and defensiveness and self-righteousness. That relentlessly negative tone is in part why I created this blog, to have a laugh sometimes instead (although, in fairness, my posts are also usually self-righteous).

In short, the feminist movement often carries a language of “you don’t get me, only these other feminist women get me” and fosters a sense of victimization if you read those things day in and day out like I do. THE PATRIARCHY WANTS TO KILL ME. And in turn, that generates a knee-jerk reaction toward people who aren’t part of that intimate circle of understanding. That reaction is often judgmental.

A liberated woman is just the woman who has a fighting chance to weigh all the options she possibly can and makes a decision for herself based on what she feels is best and where her heart takes her. That’s all it is.

I’ll try to guess that that’s what this Illinois girlfriend is hurting from. She’s not doing anything wrong; she’s trying to be a good partner to her boyfriend and make the best of a situation during hard economic times, and she feels judged. I’d feel the same.


[the stay at home girlfriend]

What does Justin Bieber’s haircut mean for feminism?

22 Feb

Scared citizens around the world woke up this morning to discover that New Zealand had a horrible earthquake, Tripoli continues to burn at the hands of a maniacal Joker-faced madman, San Francisco is trying to ban infant male circumcision for some reason, and wait no OH MY FUCKING GOD the Beebs got a haircut.

First of all, website Justins Who Look Like Lesbian Biebers or whatever it’s called will have to start over. Thanks, yo.

Second, everyone (like me) who just thought Justin Bieber was actually probably a lesbian carrying on as a straight male pop singer (like how Johnny Weir was kind of pretending not to be a gay male figure skater for a while there) can now sadly move on with our lives because the magic spell has been broken and Peter Pan never was real even though Pan was still always played by Julie Andrews. IT WASN’T REAL. I’ll go back to looking at pictures of Tilda Swinton, stone-faced spiritual counterpart to Bieber’s question mark gender performing before he sold out. Tilda’s reliable, and god she’s a good actress, but it will just never, ever be the same.



Lady WaPo columnist: women no longer want equality, just guns

22 Feb

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker is the latest whack job conservative lady to hop on the “left-wing feminism is dead” bandwagon and try to claim “true feminism” for the right.

Women’s liberation worked in ways we might never have imagined. The feminist woman of the left, who burned her bra and insisted that all hear her roar, is today a taupe-ish figure who wonders where things went wrong. The daughter she begat may well be a Republican – a gun-toting, breast-feeding supermom of several who condemns government for being a “nanny” and tells men to man up.

Adding insult to injury, she’s also probably considered a “hottie” by the men who stand by admiringly, watching their women show those libs a thing or two about being a “hard-core woman.”

Here is a popular fairy tale of columnists on the right — left-wing feminism has had a good run, thanks ladies for all your hard work, now sit down while we non-whiny women show off our guns and boss people around. Also, we’re hotter and more “hard-core.” Basically, we’re Lara Croft.

Among other traditionally feminine tricks, the new hard-core woman has grabbed men’s symbols and toys and made them her own. She shoots straight and plays hardball. At the same time, she has manhandled women’s issues, neatly packaged them in ironic pink tissue and placed them neatly on a floral paper-lined shelf.

See that? These women are tricksters, just like those tricky ladies with balls AND boobs from the pornos. She steals other peoples’ shit and says “fuck you” to other women, for irony.

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