Tag Archives: fertility

Ovulating women should terrify, “threaten” us all

22 Feb

Researchers at FSU decided to see how much an ovulating woman terrifies dudes. So they made her play legos with a hapless male subject in a room, and regardless of the guy’s (not man, guy) individual sex drive, physical preferences or sexual orientation, the following was true, I guess:

Previous research had shown that a woman at the fertile stage of her menstrual cycle seems more attractive, and that same effect was observed here — but only when this woman was rated by a man who wasn’t already involved with someone else.

The other guys, the ones in romantic relationships, rated her as significantly less attractive when she was at the peak stage of fertility, presumably because at some level they sensed she then posed the greatest threat to their long-term relationships. To avoid being enticed to stray, they apparently told themselves she wasn’t all that hot anyway.

Why less attractive? These poor guys were just trying to avoid a subliminal slap from their girlfriends for looking at a hot chick and wanting to plug her. Cute!

I wonder how they controlled for guys who just didn’t on some base level find this woman fuckable. What if they’re fatty-fuckers and she was thin? What if they like small tits and she had big ones? What about guys who prefer chocolate and she was white? What if he’s gay and just likes the cock? No, I guess ovulation was the only deciding factor. All men want to fuck a random ovulating woman so much they tell themselves they don’t. The world makes sense again.

And what about the ladies?

“Women who are in steady relationships with men who are not very sexually attractive — those who lack the human equivalent of the peacock’s tail — suddenly start to notice other men and flirt,” Dr. Haselton said. “They are also more critical of their steady partners and feel less ‘one’ with them on those few days before ovulation.” But that doesn’t mean they’re planning to walk out.

This really just gets worse and worse for dudes. First they want to fuck some random ovulating girl but have to convince themselves they don’t, but then they have to worry that the girlfriend back home, the one not in this weird lego-play sexual tension session, might be ovulating and trolling for a better looking lay to impregnate her.

The moral of the story — which is called “The Threatening Scent of a Fertile Woman” — is that guys are just trying to do their best and not be dicks and not screw everything they lay eyes on, and girls are just backstabbing bitches with a wandering eye. If this sounds familiar, it’s only because several thousand years of various organized religions came to the same conclusion, so LOCK DOWN YER BITCHES.