Tag Archives: Iowa

Bachmann woos Iowa with her 17th-century vision for society

12 Apr

Why pick on poor LensCrafters? What about Kay Jewelers? Or Wendy’s Drive-Thru? Did LensCrafters “forget” to donate to Bachmann’s re-election campaign?

From Politico:

In a barn-burning speech to social conservatives here, Michele Bachmann called Monday for abolishing the entire tax code and the Department of Education, labeled Planned Parenthood the “LensCrafters of big abortion” and slammed same-sex marriage advocates for going against what she called 5,000 years of human history.

This poor reporter, Kasie Hunt, basically had to just cram every insane thing Bachmann said into a vague article about her ranting in order to keep it under the assigned word limit. Michele also went on to call for the abolishing of the Department of Energy, the Department of Commerce and said district courts are too busy making “decisions,” and they should knock that off.

Bachmann continues to romance Iowa conservatives by calling for the return of candlelit log homes full of illiterate, unwanted children using their guns to fend off the intruders, whom they can no longer bring to “courts” because courts suck and the people called “judges” apparently are, verbatim, “black-robed masters” because they are ninjas and why should they have all the fun. It’s almost like these people would enjoy being Amish ninjas with poor eyesight.

While the myopic Amish ninja contingent is unlikely to win Michele much support in the rest of the contact-lens-wearing-electricity-guzzling-drive-thru-strip-mall-abortion-loving country, we do enjoy her colorful, gothic 17th-century vision for society.

Iowa HS wrestler’s “faith” won’t let him “engage a girl” and other erotic failures

17 Feb

Your favorite homoerotic sport, Iowa high school Greco-Roman wrestling, got all puritan and lame this year and forced the kids to do some heteroerotic wrestles, too.

Some poor kid was forced by his “faith” to drop out of a wrestling match at the state tournament when he learned he would have to wrestle a girl since this vagina-haver qualified for state.

Unlucky for this guy! This young man’s faith only allows him to sweat up his unitard when he can grab some other guy’s butt and bury his face in it, so he forfeited. This is how he put it to the media:

“As a matter of conscience and faith, I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other high school sports in Iowa.”

Meanwhile, freshman Cassy Herkelman was the first woman in Iowa to win a wrestling match at the state tournament because of the forfeit.

The Baby Rapist ad

9 Feb

Hero domestic violence shelter chief Josh Jasper of Dubuque, Iowa solved a simple math problem which goes like this: adults who are violent and rape their partners were also once children.

Then he made a commercial starring a baby crawling around on screen. KGAN CBS2 reports:

“He’s tough, he’s strong, he’s aggressive.”  It starts off subtle but then….”He raped his girlfriend.”

“You are not born to be a rapist,  or born to beat up your kids, you learn it,” says Josh Jasper of the Riverview Center.

The ad depicts a baby as a future rapist, asking the question “ what are you teaching your children?”

Oh my god why would you say this cute baby is a rapist? Here this baby had probably just been saved from an abortion with a Dirt Devil! Not a rapist, babies don’t make rape, rape makes babies, cried viewers, still kind of confused. But who almost killed the baby? THE WOMEN.

His email inbox is full of hate mail, comments degrading women, some even saying women deserve to be raped.

Okay, it’s women’s fault. It’s all figured out again.