Tag Archives: Justin Bieber

What does Justin Bieber’s haircut mean for feminism?

22 Feb

Scared citizens around the world woke up this morning to discover that New Zealand had a horrible earthquake, Tripoli continues to burn at the hands of a maniacal Joker-faced madman, San Francisco is trying to ban infant male circumcision for some reason, and wait no OH MY FUCKING GOD the Beebs got a haircut.

First of all, website Justins Who Look Like Lesbian Biebers or whatever it’s called will have to start over. Thanks, yo.

Second, everyone (like me) who just thought Justin Bieber was actually probably a lesbian carrying on as a straight male pop singer (like how Johnny Weir was kind of pretending not to be a gay male figure skater for a while there) can now sadly move on with our lives because the magic spell has been broken and Peter Pan never was real even though Pan was still always played by Julie Andrews. IT WASN’T REAL. I’ll go back to looking at pictures of Tilda Swinton, stone-faced spiritual counterpart to Bieber’s question mark gender performing before he sold out. Tilda’s reliable, and god she’s a good actress, but it will just never, ever be the same.



Facebook democracy still declares “Justin Bieber is gay” more cool than “Justin Bieber is pro-life”

18 Feb

Some of my readers (all three of you) have reflected that I discuss abortion a bit too much in this space, and perhaps there are other topics within the scope of human experience worth my attention. Fair point.

But I can’t resist this. No one can. I won’t get all Revelation-ending on you and declare Bieber’s career ruined by his incoherent conservative anti-abortion comments and the inevitable three-news-cycle-long backlash that continues to brew. It isn’t ruined, no one really cares, except this one Connecticut congressman. Literally no one will remember this teenager existed in 4-6 years when signed copies of his albums start appearing in Rio flea markets. He will soon look old and have a goatee and be dumped, like Leif Garrett.

Yet here we are today.

LifeNews needs us to know how much they not only love Justin Bieber, but they know how he personally has been affected by abortion:

Justin’s friends have lost brothers and sisters to abortion — loved ones who should have been there growing up with them and experiencing all life has to offer — had their lives not been snuffed out for convenience.

Imagine a world full of Beeb clones, stalking you with their why-haven’t-they-dropped-yet voices and haranguing you with Usher’s latest awesome saying. “You look so dope with that hat on sideways. Nobody wears it like that. Don’t ever change.”

LifeNews loves this idea so much, they started a Facebook page.

I Love Justin Bieber’s Pro Life Views” has gotten 978 people to “like” it so far. But sadly, it is still 74,389 people behind Facebook group “No wonder Justin Bieber’s so pale, there’s no sun in the closet.”

Justin Bieber doesn’t believe in Korean abortion parties

16 Feb


Lady rights web site Feministing tells us that “OMFG Justin Bieber is anti-choice!”

The person after the Pope with the most moral authority over our society has weighed in on abortion in Rolling Stone:

“I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

Death to Justin Bieber, obviously. Millions of young tween girls will be forced to carry their unplanned pregnancies to term so that they can face Justin Bieber with a clean conscience knowing they didn’t violate his bizarre interrogatory dictum.

But first, let’s just point out that no one “believes in” abortion — people should have the option to legally and safely attain one, but it is not a higher force that people subscribe to as an ordering concept for the universe, contrary to what anti-choice people think about feminists. So Bieber is a little confused and hasn’t thought through this or the consequences of rape at any length. It’s one of those gotcha questions!

He hasn’t thought about much at all it turns out.

He isn’t sure what political party he’d support if he was old enough to vote. “I’m not sure about the parties,” Bieber says. “But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”

So it’s unclear if Justin Bieber realizes he is in America, or that there are two Koreas, or knows what party he is going to tonight.

Thus please, people, take a little pity on this hairless-from-the-neck-down nimrod who has been groomed to be the least offensive and most non-threatening whitebread creature on the planet. He is somehow less edgy than Hanson, so let’s try not to take his opinions too seriously. At least he can have a laugh about the fact that he looks like a lesbian.


[Rolling Stone]