Tag Archives: studies

Man vs. woman future death competition apocalypse is now pending

2 Mar

And since it’s Women’s History Month, one task on our list is to make sure men are really getting the message that they are being fucked by women’s progress.

There is only so much success in the world to go around, and since men are losing out on some of that, they will become depressed and angry, reports BBC News.

The authors say men will struggle with the shift away from traditional male and female roles.

The Men’s Health Forum said male identity was bound up in employment.

One of the authors, Dr Boadie Dunlop from Emory University School of Medicine, said: “Women are almost twice as likely to develop major depressive disorder in their lifetime as men, but we believe this difference may well change in the coming decades.”

Hear that, men? You will now have to share in some of that major depression, be huge pussies like the rest of us frustrated humans out there.

I’m all for studies that examine how changing gender roles affect both sexes, but here’s the thing: this article is about how decreasing employment opportunity in the manufacturing and blue-collar sectors will negatively impact men’s mental health. That doesn’t sound like a problem with gender roles so much as a problem with unemployment and men earning fewer advanced degrees than women and our governments failing to help guarantee an even playing field for workers on a basic level.

Undoubtedly individual families with heterosexual married people in them will suffer consequences, but unemployment in and of itself does not guarantee gender role conflict between spouses, which is what the article seems to imply. I’m getting tired of these studies that show how men and women will probably all just kill each other soon when they start to realize their happiness is somehow in inverse relationship to one another.

The human race will no doubt wipe itself out sooner rather than later, but I doubt it will be from men and women rising up against each other to compete for jobs. Nope, pretty much they will probably just keep fucking and arguing over who did the dishes last.

You need mo’ skillz to bag a lady, writes Canadian news agency intern

23 Feb

Some poor intern at apparent Canadian news agency “QMI” (stupid American alert!) was going blind reading through an RSS feed of studies from the American Psychology Association when he or she stumbled upon this gold:

“The extent to which women and men believed that the proposer would be sexually skilled predicted how likely they would be to engage in casual sex with the individual.”

Counter to the stereotype that men are more interested in casual sex than women, the reason women actually turn down propositioning men is because women are more “intelligent, successful and sexually skilled than men who made the same proposals.”

Hooray! this poor intern probably thought to him or herself, thank god someone out there is still probably getting laid and has a paying job. And then he or she just copy-pasted some words from the abstract and clicked “publish.” Well, what can I say, I do the same thing all the time.


Ovulating women should terrify, “threaten” us all

22 Feb

Researchers at FSU decided to see how much an ovulating woman terrifies dudes. So they made her play legos with a hapless male subject in a room, and regardless of the guy’s (not man, guy) individual sex drive, physical preferences or sexual orientation, the following was true, I guess:

Previous research had shown that a woman at the fertile stage of her menstrual cycle seems more attractive, and that same effect was observed here — but only when this woman was rated by a man who wasn’t already involved with someone else.

The other guys, the ones in romantic relationships, rated her as significantly less attractive when she was at the peak stage of fertility, presumably because at some level they sensed she then posed the greatest threat to their long-term relationships. To avoid being enticed to stray, they apparently told themselves she wasn’t all that hot anyway.

Why less attractive? These poor guys were just trying to avoid a subliminal slap from their girlfriends for looking at a hot chick and wanting to plug her. Cute!

I wonder how they controlled for guys who just didn’t on some base level find this woman fuckable. What if they’re fatty-fuckers and she was thin? What if they like small tits and she had big ones? What about guys who prefer chocolate and she was white? What if he’s gay and just likes the cock? No, I guess ovulation was the only deciding factor. All men want to fuck a random ovulating woman so much they tell themselves they don’t. The world makes sense again.

And what about the ladies?

“Women who are in steady relationships with men who are not very sexually attractive — those who lack the human equivalent of the peacock’s tail — suddenly start to notice other men and flirt,” Dr. Haselton said. “They are also more critical of their steady partners and feel less ‘one’ with them on those few days before ovulation.” But that doesn’t mean they’re planning to walk out.

This really just gets worse and worse for dudes. First they want to fuck some random ovulating girl but have to convince themselves they don’t, but then they have to worry that the girlfriend back home, the one not in this weird lego-play sexual tension session, might be ovulating and trolling for a better looking lay to impregnate her.

The moral of the story — which is called “The Threatening Scent of a Fertile Woman” — is that guys are just trying to do their best and not be dicks and not screw everything they lay eyes on, and girls are just backstabbing bitches with a wandering eye. If this sounds familiar, it’s only because several thousand years of various organized religions came to the same conclusion, so LOCK DOWN YER BITCHES.


You people are no fun.

17 Feb

If this study is true, I’m screwed. Nightcaps are my religion.

“Women Lose Sleep Over Drinking”

I find that further implications may be that alcohol use could lead to other problems for women in daily life. It would be interesting to take the study further and test things such as attention span, reflex response and immunity markers in the blood, as all relate to some degree with quality of sleep. Gives one pause that perhaps going on a wild spree is not best the night before a important event where one is on the spot — especially for women.

Eh. This just sounds like it was written by someone who wants his girlfriend to stay sober enough to drive him home.