Tag Archives: apocalypse

Maggie Gallagher declares homophobes are being “shamed” into silence

21 May

Here in our new post-Apocalyptic America, don’t think everything will be completely terrible. Sure, it would have been better if God had just Raptured away all the wingnuts so America could move on with its life, but God really likes the “hate-spewing Christians” joke and the new NBC fall lineup and the possibility of a Michele Bachmann presidential run and Stephen Colbert, so Earth remains.

God also has a new joke just for the wingnuts, so they don’t feel so bad they weren’t Raptured: 53% of Americans now support legalizing gay marriage. Are you laughing, wingnuts? No, of course not.

Maggie Gallagher, chairman of the National Organization for Marriage, said the poll shows her fellow opponents of gay matrimony have been “shamed” into silence.

Oh Maggie G., she of “anal sex will give you an abortion” fame, she isn’t entertained. But does she realize she’s making still more jokes? Maggie says that the people who wish they could shame homos into being invisible are now the ones being “shamed” into hiding! Irony! Maggie could have just said something totally boring like, “God’s wrath will soon rain down upon the amoral promiscuous godless masses,” but no, she went with the one word that would most immediately and powerfully underline the utter hypocrisy of her statement. Maggie and God, a great comic team.


Mean survey says women don’t like doing chores all that much

3 May

Here is the latest Revelation-predicted sign of the coming world doom: women would prefer to hire someone to do their chores instead of hiring someone to do their jobs for them. B-b-but waaaaaait, screams Phyllis Schlafly into the bloody void of her dark soul. Women love taking care of their homes! Women were born adoring neatly folded laundry and treasuring poopy-diapers. It is the way that God made the universe, just like He didn’t make gays.

It gets worse.

Eight out of 10 working mothers earn at least half of their household’s income, [the survey] said.

GAH. Really, really unsettling. No, women only marry men who can earn lots of money, specifically lots more money than women do. Are these women aware that that’s the rule? Are they losers? They’re losers. Did they settle for too little? Are they just ugly, all of them?

Yes, that’s what we’ll go with. They’re ugly. So they have to do more chores. Fair.

Men and women both say they do about $25,000 worth of household chores, but Penn Mutual found women spent more time than men per week on every chore from walking the dog to doing laundry.

The insurance company calculated the median value for a woman’s contribution to the home closer to $34,000, as opposed to just over $19,000 for a man.

At least this sounds more familiar. These mean surveys have no idea how things work.